Every Coffee-Shop Writer Had a Chance

“We met so randomly,” Ahmed says of his now-wife, but as someone who has long believed in the fantasy of meeting a hot guy in a coffee shop, this doesn’t sound random to me at all. Ahmed and Mirza’s real-life meet-cute took place at a coffee shop. Of course, I never imagined the hot guy I’d see over the brim of my cup would be Riz Ahmed, because, well, he’s Riz Ahmed. I’m also happy for every coffee-shop writer in New York — nay, the world. It sounds like a dream. I shudder to think. In fact, he got married months ago. Riz Ahmed is married. By Taylor Roberts

Riz Ahmed. How many hundreds (thousands?) of dollars have I spent on lattes and bagels waiting for this exact scenario to unfold? “We were both jostling over the same laptop plug points, like a very modern way of meeting,” he says. My fellow coffee-shop writers, we still have a chance. Are you kidding me? My imagination takes liberties, but not that many. I’m happy for them both, truly. It’s over. Well, that’s just adorable. Rather than focus on his wife, the novelist Fatima Farheen Mirza — who is lovely, I’m sure — let’s review the circumstances of their chance meeting. I knew I sensed a shift in the air; it feels good to finally know what it was. Photo: Andreas Rentz/Getty Images

Well, everyone. This confirms that we have a chance. After revealing that he was secretly married in a podcast interview on Monday, Ahmed went on The Tonight Show on Wednesday and told Jimmy Fallon that he and his beloved both sat down at the same table in a café while he was in New York to film The Sound of Metal. The second New York City reopens indoor dining and we can jostle laptop plugs again safely, I wish you all happy loitering.

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