Tomorrow Is August

Summer! But it’s okay, because now we know tomorrow is August — say it with me, TOMORROW IS AUGUST! Because I didn’t — until just now, of course, when I realized it, and then told you. Depends on your bar for functioning public health. Did you know that? After one (or maybe two) days passed, I decided to look at a calendar, and that’s when I discovered that tomorrow is, in fact, August. I know this because my mom told me that there are 30 days in September, April, June, and November, and that all the rest have 31, except for February, because … I forget the rest. The woman administering it jabbed a long Q-tip up my nose for what felt like an unnecessarily long time, but it was actually just five seconds. Anyway, I haven’t left my house all week, except on Tuesday, (or maybe it was Wednesday?) to get a COVID-19 test. It means that today is the last day of July, a month that means nothing to anyone unless it’s their birthday, and sunrise marks the beginning of the end of summer. Damn. on July 31, which means that in ten hours and 48 minutes, it will be August. By Emilia Petrarca@emiliapetrarca

Photo: Getty Images

As I write this, it is 1:12 p.m. We hardly knew her. — we can spend the remaining ten hours and 14 minutes of July figuring how how to safely enjoy the rest of summer, which technically ends on September 22, which might as well be next year. The point: Tomorrow is August. (I know this because she counted: one, two, three, four, five.) She then told me I would get my results in three to ten days, which also seemed like a long amount of time, but I guess if it’s just three days, then maybe it’s not. What does it mean that tomorrow is August?

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